Self Advocacy

power and control chart

There is a point in time when you make a choice not to be taken advantage of or discounted. You stop being an accessory or appendage and no longer live in the shadow of those persons/families priorities.

Your view point and your choices have value and are valid, right or wrong they are yours. You can’t spend your time living for someone else’s life being there to enable any behavior that is not mutually beneficial or personally positive. There is a point when you must value the best asset you have and that is you. You are the only person who can make the right decisions to live a happy productive valued life with positive impact on a personal level that when you lay your head down at night you feel like a job well done that day.

Learn the word “NO”, it will not make you a bad person it is not a bad word it is just a word like “YES”. We tend to put negative value on “NO” for no reason other than when it is said to you ego gets upset and you feel as if you are a bad person. Why? all perception, if someone saw you walking out a door that lead to a 40 foot drop you would not feel bad about the telling you no because it benefited you. But there is the perception when you use no for yourself to keep you from doing something you don’t want to do for another person or family you take their perception and live out their bruised ego and it makes you feel bad. You must look at saying no as you giving your self a warning not to open that door and drop 40 feet. It really has no power that you do not give it. Don’t substituted “YES” for “NO” then you really start to skew you perception of right and wrong in your life choices.  No matter how much you say yes in a certain way or tone the people hearing will only hear yes not that you wanted the yes to be taken as no.

Advocate for yourself as you would for anyone one who is in dire need of help and is not being heard. Be your own champion and understand that being strong does not mean you are selfish but you are strong enough to know your limits, strengths and faults. Speak clearly and say what you mean, use your perspective don’t try to introduce the perspective of those you are going to be speaking to because you can’t and never will be able to know their perception of your actions or words. If you invest in the outcome then you have already lost. The only person in this world you will ever be able to heal or change is yourself no matter how much love you poor into relationships or situations until you are honest with yourself nothing will ever change for you.